I don't know why.

I love my family, I love my friends, I love air conditioning, I love my new room, I love my future with school, and I love what is happening with my church; but I don't think that I can live here. I love Haiti way to much, and I can't stand thinking that I am not aloud to be there because I am too young to move on my own; and my family doesn't feel called to be there. I absolutely hate it, and I don't know what to do. Why can't God call my family too? I don't know why I posted this but I really needed to say it.

It's time for me to fly...

Literally and metaphorically. My flight leaves in just a few hours and I wanted to wrap up my 'In Haiti' blog. Yesterday as we were watching a sermon on TV and the pastor said a verse that just pulled the last year of my life together into a great few sentences. Proverbs 16: 1 and 3 Mortals make elaborate plans, but God has the last word. Put God in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place. Mortals make elaborate plans but God has the last word. Means I can make all the right and wrong decisions I want to but God will always make his path. Put God in charge of your work, then what you've planned will take place. If I listen to God and follow him whole heatedly my plans will match up with his and they will happen. Well his plans happened. I have been wanting a change, a fresh start. He has given it to me. I am going back as a new person and coming home to a new life. It is beyond exciting yet so hard at the same time. My time here has flown by, and I am honestly not sure what to feel. I am happy to be seeing my family back home but I feel as if I am leaving my family behind. I hope and Pray that my joy is not stolen by Satan as I return home. I Pray that I can change and make new first impressions in the way I want to be seen. And I pray that Gods plans include Haiti sometime really soon. I'm sure he will, but it is so hard not knowing but that is why we have faith. I will continue this blog after returning home because God never stops working and I will never stop writing. To God be all the glory Kenzie

Search my Heart.

WARNING: I'm sure there are spelling Errors but spell check isn't working so sorry. So as my second to last post here in Haiti I wanted to tell you guys what God has done for me since I have been here; and its going to take as trip down memory lane and a lot of typing but I swear its worth the read. Sixteen years ago I was born four months eairly at 2lb 2oz. As a result of being four months eairly I was diagnosed with atrial septal defect or ASD. Basicaly I had a hole in my heart and at less than a week old they did heart surgury on me. The ten inch scar on the left side of my back is the only reaon I am alive, that and the mercys of God. I see that scar every day when I get dressed yet it doesn't really mean anything to me. I have always had it so when I see it, it's like if you were looking at your belly button. My full name is MacKenzie Grace DeHart and I only get called 'Grace' when I trip over things. So that doesn't mean much to me either. A few years back not a lot about me meant anything to me. I wondered where my purpose was, but then again what twelve year old doesn't. My grandparents on my moms side are the national spokes people for Choose Life inc. The non-profit organization that sells the yellow lisence plates to raise money for crisis pregnancy centers and the protest against abortion. I have been working with them and promoting choose life that since I could talk. And that didn't mean much either just because it was an everyday constant, I had never known any different. The point of all this back ground history is that I never knew I was good. I always had wanted to be something or somebody and followed wordly standards to acheve such things but this trip God showed me what I am and who I am becoming. 100 days before I left I started a journal and prayed for God to teach me things that I would need on this trip. The first day he told me to forgive my past. So I called the only two people that had a hold on me in my life and I told them that I loved them but I couldn't keep trying to force a one sided relationship anymore. The second day he told me I was a new creation in him. The old has gone and the new has come he said. The direction I was headed was change, and I was ready. He moved in me a little but it was the two steps forward one step back kind of thing. Then about a month before leaving I was tired of worring about all the stress that was spinning around me. So I wrote my worries on a list and sealed them in a eonvalope and told God okay I will not worrie about these anymore and I will not look at this list untill August 1st. I haven't seen the list yet but I think he has done some major work there. Three weeks before leaving God speaks to me through an old friend. We were working out and I had on a razor back tank top and her grand daughter asked why I had the scar on my back. And she explained the story to her and then she looked at me and said "That scar means God has big plans for her life." That scar that I never thought about had a whole new meaning. Then on day four of being here we have church with Greg and Cathy Benson and Mrs. Tracey. We watch a sermon called 'Fruit Cake and Ice Cream' by Louie Giglio; and in this sermon he puts a deffinition on a very special word to me, "Grace: God at work." How cool the middle name that I had only ever been called in the negative tense was a good thing. On the same day the team arrived and immediatly they said they noticed a huge difference in me. They said I was filled with Joy, I was way different that I was back in the states. Something I had never realized. Then on week like three and a half of being here Mrs. Tracey and I have a long talk. During this talk I am telling her all the things I would like to do and like to be but I say "I know I can't do them all..." and she says "Well why not?". I had no answer. For some reason I had always had it in my head that there was always a right or wrong answer, a black or white, never a little of both. That was yet another realization. All these realizations add up to one thing. A new MacKenzie DeHart. One who is worthy of living, one who is something, one who has the power to shoot for whatever she wants to be. One who feels God working in her life and knows that things are about to change. And as my friends I want you to help me make that change, help me keep that fire. If I start falling into the person that I once was I want you to help me back up. Hold me accountable to these things in my life. Everyone needs that and I pray you can help me with that. I want you guys to know that your support is what got me here and being her is what sparked a change in me. I love you guys and want to thank you for being with me every step of this journey; and know it doesnt stop because I am leaving it only starts over.

I'm Covered in glitter.

If you know me that's not an unusual thing for me to say, I love glitter its like everyday sprinkles. Today I am covered in it for a not so happy reason. There was only one nurse in the clinic today so she asked if I would help her. I did all morning we triage patients, filled out paper work ,ran an IV and towards the end of the morning bandaged a wound. The glitter started in Triage, when I took this 9 year old girls (who was dressed in a hot pink sparkly dress) temperature and weight. Once you right down that stuff the patient is off to the doctor and normally I don't see them again but I guess if they need immediate treatment the come back to the nurses. I was told in mainly hand motions to get some bandages from the depot, when i came back I saw the patient; the 9 year old girl. Her wound looked like burns but in multiple spots, I'm not really sure what they were but they were painful enough that she limped when she walked. The wound had to be cleaned out and unfortunately my job was to enable the nurse to put the girl in so much pain. The had me pour peroxide directly over the wounds, the little girl had to hold her foot still so it wouldn't start shaking. She was tossing around in agony as the nurse rubbed the peroxide into her wounds. Just when she had calmed down as the pain had worn off the nurse asked for more peroxide. I poured more onto the rag and this time the little girl watched as the nurse put the rag over the wounds and then pinched and poke them. The little girl was whimpering and she had tears streaming down her face she kept yelling in creole way! way! way! way! (which means ouch) now I don't know what the nurse said to her but there was little sympathy. I couldn't watch her grasping at the air in pain anymore so I went over there and let her hold onto me. I kept helping the nurse and going back to her. When the nurse was Finally finished I helped the girl put on her pretty white shoes and then helped her up. She said Mesi with a smile and left. The worse part of this story is that her mother was sitting right next to her and did nothing to console her. This morning taught me something. It taught me that I want to be there for all those girls in the pretty dresses. I know I have to cause them some pain but I know it will make them better and if I have empathy for there problem and sympathy for there pain then I feel like it should even out. So what this long rambling story has taught me is yeah I want to be a nurse and yeah I love it!

The birthday from the future.

Haha Ok so funny thing I forgot to post this four days ago. The Internet was out so I couldn't post it. So I copied it to a notepad and just now found it. So enjoy! SO yesterday was most defiantly un-like any other birthday I have ever had; but I have a feeling it is much like ones to come. I woke up at 5am knowing it was my birthday so naturally I just kind of stayed awake. But I didn't get out of bed until 6am. I considered exercising and then thought..nah its my birthday. Then I skyped my parents, opened my cards, got a call from my grandparents, and then checked my Facebook. After all that was done I had my fabulous sweet 16 breakfast of...are you ready?..Bran muffins! Okay so not so glamorous...but I'm in Haiti we make do with what we got. After breakfast I put on a pair of scrubs and went to work. Well here work didn't last long I was only down there for half an hour or so. After that I worked in the office with Mrs. Tracey and then I baked for most of the day. Now I'm sure not all of that is to be repeated in my future but the hard stuff like being away from my family, working on my birthday, and having a no big deal birthday breakfast. This trip has been a trial run and a bunch of tests. It's given me insight to a lot of my future (more on that topic when I get closer to leaving). I have gotten to feel being away from my family, I have gotten to taste quite a few aspects of nursing, and I have gotten to (this sounds weird) enjoy good food...something I have not done in a while. God has been very good to me on this trip. He has shown me many things and taught me some valuable lessons.

I hear them singing...

I'm sitting in my room here in Haiti, as I feel the cool island breeze hit my cheeks and blow my hair back I hear a sound. A beautiful rhythmic indiscernible sound. About a football field up the street there is a tarp, no bigger than the ones we put our cars under. This tarp has sides that drape down to make it a 'building' of sorts; inside this tarp is a microphone attached to a speaker, much like the ones we (teenagers) put in the back of our cars if we want to 'FEEL' the bass. Under this tarp in this building using this microphone is a church FULL of Men, Women, and Children all dressed in the best clothes that they have singing there Hearts out to God. This tarp is a house of God. This tarp is a church that has more of the love of God flowing through it then the biggest church in America. Do you think this Church has split more than five times in a teenage attenders lifetime? Do you think this church cares that it rained the night before and they had to go out in the mud? Do you think this church cares that they have no chairs and no air conditioning and the fact that they reached maximum complicity 30 people ago? The answer is No to all of the above. And that's how it should be. The only thing that should matter in a church is that the sheep love each other and that the shepherd guides and cares for his flock; and above all else, every single moment of that flock, that body, that family, should be to the honor and Glory of our all awesome creator God and his die hard loving son Jesus Christ. The frills, the legalistic aspect, the politics should mean nothing. The only reason we should walk into that 'building' is to stand together and worship God. If you are there for any other reason...you should re-think you logic. "He appeared in a body, Was vindicated by the spirit, was seen by angels, was preached among nations, was believed on in the world, was taken up in Glory." 1 Timothy 3:16 This is my logic. He is this awesome, this mystic, I can give him honor and glory, its the least I can do. Glory be to God, MacKenzie

Intimidating Teacher.

Being here without my family makes me kind of exposed. When I have my parents with me if I am uncomfortable in an intimidating conversation I have them to hide behind. But here I have to stand tall and ride it out. What I am about to tell you Mrs. Tracey said had happened to many team members before and the same result came in the end. I never thought that I would be one of those people but I am. Here at CSI: Haiti there are three other couples that run the compound. The Grahams are out on furl ow so I wont meet them, then there are the Banks who run the Orphanage, and then the Benson's who run the guest house; however Mr. Greg Benson is also the field director and acting go to guy for teams. So Greg Benson, just a big bear of a guy is the only way I can describe him. At first glance intimidation is not the word that comes to mind; but have a conversation with him and intimidation is the only word you muster up. The Herrera's say I handle him well, I don't have that same feeling but they have seen more people work with him so I will take there word for it. During the week the team was here we saw a lot of Greg. One of the days we worked they had to move two refrigerators into Hope 2 and my mom and I helped Greg and our translator Fanfan move them. After they were in the kitchen he then told us to clean them out. So no big I cleaned out one and mom did the other. There are three parts of the fridge that are set in the bottom rack on the door. Mom had hers in that spot and asked if I had mine there and I said "no, some of the stickers have been stripped so it looks like someone has already been in here". SO she walks into the hallway and says that my fridge is missing those pieces Greg comes in and looks at the bottom of my fridge and says; "You looked every where, so I'm not going to find them?" "Yes" I said. So he opens the freezer and there they are. That was not a fun sight to see and I knew exactly what was coming. So as I stand there thinking "no way no way no way I am not one of those people!" Greg begins his speech. I honestly have no idea what I said but I'm sure it was some snotty teenager remark because it made him keep talking, and I must have said something to make mom start chanting "Liars got to hell..." So I am standing there hearing all this going on having no idea what I am saying and I just want to cry because I know I will hear about this later. I walked back to the clinic went into my room and cried, then went through every scenario trying to figure out what I could have said (If I had know what I was saying) and I asked Mrs. Tracey and she said there was nothing for me to say I just shouldn't do it again. So I was finally over it after VBS and guess who is sitting across from me at dinner...and guess who talks about it with the whole dinner table...yup Greg. I don't remember what I said to him during that conversation either so I really have no idea if I was being rude again or not. Every day since then no matter who asks me to do what I do it once then I do it again and if I can't get it I try again. I went into the Pharmacy Depot last night re-check and inventory we had just done and I had to find the number 0209, I looked in the 0200 section and there was no 0209 so I started to leave then thought "Its Haiti 0209 could be any where" so I look through every number in the depot and the pharmacy. Now I didn't find 0209 because it doesn't exists but I did remember that stupid fridge. So the trick is if you cant figure something out find a bunch of other people and then talk to Greg if you still can't find it. :) Even though I had an intimidating teacher and no mom to hid behind I learned a lesson that will help me in anything I do and any job I ever get. So Thank you Greg Benson you changed my life and taught me how to build sturdy shelves. What a lesson learned. In christ, Kenzie

...Sorry...

I wish I had some interesting stuff to post but I don't. But that is what a lot of people don't realize. Missionary life is slow, Hard, and un-organized; you have to be a very special person to have the paitents and the 'go with the flow additiude needed to make it through everyday. You must be called to be a missonary and your pretty incredible if you are. I have the privlidge of staying with to very amazing hard working called to be missionary kind of people; and I love watching them work. So far what I have learned her is not only is this next second granted to you but it doesnt have to be so spot on down to the minute planned that we forget to enjoy that second. So just stop for a minute take 20 seconds and just breathe then thank God for the first thing that pops into you head. Now that your 20 seconds are up don't rush back to what you 'Have to be doing' I want you to go hug three people who you love dearly and tell them how much you love them and tell them to do the same. Now the four minutes that it took you to do that you have created a chain recation of a joyful memory for a dozen people just by hugging three. Imagine what you could do with just a smile to everyone you walk by. Cherish right now, live this day,this hour, this minute, this second, this moment. just live it. Don't spend your days planning the future to where you for get the present. Love this day and praise God for every nano second. Living for Him, Kenzie

I refuse...

...I dont want to wait for someone else, to do what God has called me to do myself; Oh I could choose not to move but...I refuse... "I Refuse" by Josh Wilson That is one of my many theme songs for this trip. I just wanted to start my first day here with just me with a list of things I refuse to let hold me back this trip. I refuse to: Be fearfull - For God is with me Be weak - For God says Be STRONG AND COURAGEOUS Be Sad - Because this trip is what makes me Happy Be sick - For that is no fun ;] I REFUSE TO WASTE TODAY THINKING ABOUT A PLAN FOR TOMORROW. I REFUSE :) God knows were I am so I have no reason to feel lost. I know this trip is blessed a long with the people who made it happen. In christ, MacKenzie :o)

Embarking on a great adventure.

...Al m' kontan jezi renmen mwen, al m' kontan jezi renmen mwen, al m' knotan jezi renmen mwen oh alelouya! Jezi remen mwen...That has been on an endless reel in my head since we started the VBS with the team. I realy can't believe they are gone already. I would take a lot to recap that week but I want to just highlight my favorite parts. 1. I loved wataching them in Haiti, watching them catch the bug and realy fall in love. 2. I ALWAYS LOVE VBS' They let you get in with the kids and teach them something. 3. Christy and I got to do so many hands on things with nursing in the clinc, it was an amazing experience for both of us it taught us a lot and helped us figure somethings out. 4. Oh I never knew how loud my body could yell at me after making it do a little over 22 hours of crazy hard manual labor. I now know I will never go into lawn care, floor clreaner, or carpentry. 5. I was incharge of the mission story at VBS. It was a CEF story about a Haitian girl named Ti-Fam. My reading that story to them helped lead them to christ. On the last day I presented the gospel and went to go pray with the kids and you know some were just not realy doing it they just pulled on my arms and stuff but there was this one boy who kept his hands to himself and kept compleate eye contact and repeated the prayer word for word. I know that my going up there and reading a story everyday - something I do not do. That action is what saved this kids eternal life, and nothing will ever top that feeling. I would guess its a pretty fair bet that we all learned something new this past week and we all pushed passed things we never thought we could break through, but all I know for sure is that God really blessed my team and I this week and we are all better people because of it. Keep that fire guys it doesn't have to burn out. Blessings, Kenzie